The Daily Mail are running a ‘first novel’ competition, and this is my first novel AND first competition entry, so…. maybe it should be first first novel writi-
You know what, doesn’t matter. Bored. The point is, I’ve sent off my 3000 word opening chapter, my 600 word synopsis and now I can just sit back and hope for the best. Except, to be honest, I don’t feel that hopeful of my chances. And I can’t work out whether I’m being overly self-critical or if perhaps it is justified.
I remember when I was younger and learning what Anorexia was, and my mum trying to explain it by saying ‘it’s when you look in the mirror and instead of seeing what’s real, you see a fat person.’ My dad, who was then quite rotund, piped up with ‘oh, I must have that then because whenever I look in the mirror I see a fat person!’
(Obviously, eating disorders are no laughing matter, but you know what dads are like – and it did make confused, pre-teen me laugh)
I wonder whether I’m sort of doing the same – assuming that what I’m seeing in my own writing is a distorted version of reality when in actual fact…. it really is just fat.
The point is that I’ll never know, so it’s best to just assume it’s all fine, give it a decent, shot, and then if nothing comes of it give it a loving pat on the head and put it to bed for a long sleep. And crack on with another project. Deep down, I feel as though if I’d really written something I knew could be a goer, I’d feel it in my bones.
Speaking of next projects, I’m strangely compelled to write some teenage fiction about mermaids….. I know not why or how or when, but once the urge has taken hold it’s bloody hard to shake off. So far it is manifesting itself as a series of cryptic, mermaid related notes scattered around the house and on my phone, most of which seem like THE BEST AND MOST INSPIRED THING EVER in the precise moment before I fall asleep but which, in the cold light of the following morning read:
Sea floor but like mindfulness? No mouths thought packages??
Or, more disturbingly:
Find out how fish have sex.
Sigh. One day, when you are holding my best-selling teen-mermaid oeuvre in your hands, remember how it all first started. With idle thoughts of fish sex and utter nonsense.