…and I still feel like a bit of a fraud.
I think it’s because I’ve done it all myself. Which you’d think would be an even bigger accomplishment, wouldn’t you, given that I’ve had to play all the roles myself: writer, cheerleader, muse, mentor, promoter, publisher, technical adviser (don’t even get me started on my failings at this one)… But for some reason, it still feels a bit like I have to qualify every single announcement about my book with ‘I published it myself, though…’ so that people don’t automatically assume I’ve got Penguin or Random House gunning for my success and therefore validating my self-worth…
I’m going to get over this, though. Like with anything, it’s probably normal and just because I’m new to it. I’ll find my groove, and I’ll own the whole ‘author’ label.
I’ll tell you something though, publishing an ebook is a massive fucking anti-climax. Phew. I’ve been building up to this for years, and when I finally got the email from Amazon telling me it was live…it was more of a ‘Huh. Cool. Does it look like a legit book though?’ moment than a Breakfast Club fist-pump kind of moment. It was also 1am, so…zzzzz.
And I announced my book baby’s birth in the same way I announced my pregnancies: awkwardly and by stealth to small numbers of people at a time, via email.
Anyway. After all this time, my gorgeous Tilted, a dark, slightly sex-obsessed romantic comedy of a novel is being purchased and read by other people. Not all of them my family and friends. (But most of them). Despite the anti-climax, it is a great feeling.
It was nothing compared to holding the paperback though. I just want to look at it all the time, and stroke it. Sadly it’s a proof copy and has ‘Not for Resale’ printed all across it’s beautiful frontage, but I still love it and want to prop it up in my windowsill and point it out to passers-by.
And I even have a website with an unnecessarily large image of my face on it because I clearly want to immediately distract from the bit where I was prompted to write that I’m an author. Because that’s the kind of go-getting, super-confident gal I am.
It’s all been so, so worth it.
I’m an author! I have a book! If you wanted to, you could even buy it...
Life Goals: Level One Complete